Boys to Men: what makes a man "manly"?

What does it mean for a man to be "manly"?  I think many people understand it to mean a man who participates in activities that require muscular strength, sweat, anything that doesn't imply any sort of femininity.  A manly man is one who feels strong and proud about the things he does and the things he owns and who feels that other people looking in on his life view him as strong and manly.  A manly man hunts, fishes, hikes, camps, chops wood, walks with a swagger - head high, shoulders back, grows a beard, drives a pickup truck with a motor that growls (in a good way) and in which he hauls lumber and the carcass of the dear he shot in the woods. And on the weekend, he loafs on the sofa with chips and soda while watching football or baseball.  At least, that's what many people think.

My husband doesn't hunt.  He doesn't fish.  He doesn't hike or tent camp in the wilderness.  He doesn't lift weights.  He doesn't chop wood or dress deer or walk with a swagger.  He doesn't like sports at all.  And he's perfectly content to drive a minivan.

Does this mean he's not "manly" enough?  Do you think these things cause him embarrassment or make him feel emasculated?  Do I, his wife, think less of him?

No.

My husband is, in fact, the most "manly" man I've ever known.

He may not hunt or fish, but he can fix and build anything.  Ever heard of MacGyver?  My husband is MacGyver.  Car not running?  He can fix it.  Computer on the fritz?  He can fix it.  Water main broken and spewing water all over the house and yard?  He can fix it.  Tractor won't start?  He can fix it.  Need a new porch?  He can build it.  Swing set for your kids?  He can build it.  Wall reconstruction?  Yep.  New electrical system in your entire house?  That too.

But, that's not what makes him manly.

He may not lift weights, but the strength he has amazes me every day.  He literally can lift a vehicle.  When need be, his strength is super-human.  I don't know where he got it from, but I can tell you that I never fear for my safety when he's around.

But, that's not what makes him manly.

Driving a minivan doesn't make him feel like a soccer mom.  He isn't emasculated by the type of vehicle he drives.  He owns a truck, and he drives it more often than the minivan, but he's never ducked his head in embarrassment while driving the minivan past other men who might see him in it.  Maybe it's because he knows he can drive just about any vehicle you put in front of him.  Truck.  Tractor.  Ambulance.  Back hoe.  Excavator.  Motorcycle.  RV.  You name it, he can operate it.

But, that's not what makes him manly.  Frankly, a man who prides himself in any of those things, thinking they make him more manly, isn't, in my opinion, very manly at all.

My husband is a strong, "manly" man, because he lives according to Biblical principles.  He strives to be a Godly man, and (more often than not) succeeds.  What makes him a manly man is how he teaches our boys, by word and by deed, to follow Christ and live their lives in a way pleasing to Him.

My husband is a manly man, because he puts others ahead of himself.  His wife, his children, his parents and siblings, his friends, and even strangers.  He does everything he can to make life better for those around him.  He works so his family can have not only what they need, but also much of what they desire.  He helps so his friends and their friends and their friends' friends will see Christ through him.

My husband is a manly man, because he loves me, his wife, in a way I've never felt love.  His love makes me feel not only desired, but also needed and important.  He is a manly man, because he speaks highly of me to others, even when I'm not there to hear it.  He uplifts me.

My husband is a manly man, because he takes care of his wife and children.  Everything he does is for the purpose of caring for his family both now and looking toward the future.  He anticipates and plans for our needs.  He keeps us safe.

And my husband is a manly man, because his manliness isn't tied up in things or circumstances.  It isn't tied to what he drives or the hobbies he enjoys or the amount of hair he grows on his body.  He isn't concerned with doing things or owning things that make him seem more manly in the eyes of other people.

He's the manliest man I know, and I wouldn't have him any other way.

What is your idea of what makes a man "manly"?

More Than Words: Showing Love

A lesson I hope my husband and I are teaching our boys is to show love, not only to say it.  The words "I love you" can give a warm fuzzy feeling momentarily, but, as the saying goes, actions speak louder than words.

For the purposes of this post, "works" refers to the byproducts of our faith – the fruit of the spirit.  For example, charity, hospitality, loving kindness, etc.  

"Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself.  But someone may well say, 'You have faith and I have works; show me your faith without works, and I will show you my faith by my works.'… But are you willing to recognize, you foolish fellow, that faith without works is useless?… You see that a man is justified by works and not by faith alone…. For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead."

          ~James 2:17-26

 Works.  The fruit of the spirit.  Without them, our faith is useless, meaningless, dead.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control."

          ~Galatians 5:22-23

"So then, you will know them by their fruits."

           ~Matthew 7:20

On my iPod is the song More Than Words by Extreme.  Each time I listen, it catches my attention.  It's a secular song, but listening closely to the lyrics, it strikes me that if God had a theme song, this could very well be it.  I don't mean to make a trifle out of God by any means, but this song, when viewed through the eyes of faith, speaks the heart of the message – that there's more to our relationship with Christ than just saying with our mouths that we love Him.  He also wants us to show Him our love for Him through our works.

More Than Words: by Extreme

Saying I love you

Is not the words I want to hear from you

It's not that I want you

Not to say it, but if you only knew

How easy it would be to show me how you feel

More than words is all you have to do to make it real

Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me

'Cause I'd already know.

What would you do if my heart was torn in two

More than words to show you feel

That your love for me is real

What would you say if I took those words away

Then you couldn't make things new

Just by saying I love you.

More than words.

Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand

All you have to do is close your eyes

And just reach out your hands and touch me

Hold me close don't ever let me go

More than words is all I ever needed you to show

Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me

'Cause I'd already know.

What would you do if my heart was torn in two

More than words to show you feel

That your love for me is real

What would you say if I took those words away

Then you couldn't make things new

Just by saying I love you.

More than words. 

In what ways do you show your love for others and for God, beyond mere words?

Why We Home School: Part V

Why We Home School:  Focus

Public school classes have a truck load of topics and information they must cover before the school year's end.  In order to fit it all in and still have time for all the other sundries such as lunch breaks, recess, band, assessments, interventions, field trips, etc. for a class of around 20 kids, not much time is able to be spent investigating any one topic in depth.

If a couple kids in the class don't fully understand how to multiply fractions, there's no time to linger.  Sure, those kids can come in after school for extra help, but how many of them really take advantage of that?

Or, if a study of life cycles really fascinates a class, and it's clear they are thirsty to learn more, there's no time to put off other subjects to dedicate more time to the study of life cycles.  Sure, those kids can go home and Google more information on their own time, but how many of them really take advantage of that?

With so many kids, so many subjects to cover, and only about 40 minutes a day to dedicate to each subject, it's difficult, if not impossible, to really engage the minds of curious kids who desire to learn more.  After all, there are state tests looming on the horizon and lots of preparation left to do.

Home Schooling offers the ability to focus.  If we find a particular topic that our boys really sink their claws into and devour, we can spend as much time as we like researching, investigating, experimenting, studying and digging into the meat of it.

One of the beauties of home school is unit studies.  Though we have not yet utilized the unit study method, many home school families love it!  Every subject - math, reading, spelling, history, science, etc. - is wound around a single theme, linking them all together and really engraving the topic into the students' minds.

For our first year of home schooling, we decided to focus on the Civil War.  We didn't follow a unit study, but we did relate everything we could back to the war.  For our language arts, our oldest boy read The Red Badge of Courage, and our youngest read Billy and the Rebel and the Children's Civil War Alphabet Book.  Our spelling words were taken from the reading.

While the history aspect is obvious, we also took the boys to both a Civil War reenactment weekend and a living history museum's Civil War day, which immersed them into life in the 1800s, as civilians and as soldiers.  They witnessed how people lived day to day, the differences compared to modern day living, and they watched a Civil War battle recreated.

For art, the boys created their own Civil War journals using photographs we took at the reenactment weekend and facts they learned during our studies.

We didn't spend our entire school year learning solely about the Civil War.  All told, we probably spent about 2 weeks on the topic.  But throughout the year, opportunities arose to relate new topics and facts back to what we'd already studied about the war.

That kind of focus demonstrates the advantages of home schooling.  We didn't have to spend just a couple days reading from a history textbook and memorizing important names and dates to be tested on and hope the kids retained some of the info because the next day we had to move on to a different topic.  We had the privilege of immersing ourselves in the rich details of history and relating back to other subjects, which, in my opinion, is about the best way for a person to really learn anything.

Below are some photos we took during the Civil War reenactment weekend we attended.

How do you approach learning?  Do you think it's enough to spend just a couple school hours on a subject, or does the idea of immersing students into a subject and relating other subjects back to it strike more of a chord with you?

Previous post... Why We Home School: Fun!

Coming up... Why We Home School: Foundations

Weird Home School Kids

I never realized how much flack home school families received, until we became one.  For the most part, our friends and family are supportive.  But there are a few who just don't get it.  Like one mom who sends her kids to public school because she wants her kids to "fit in".  And another who asked a home schooling friend of mine, "Why do you home school?  Do you want your kids to be weird?"

Insert "aghast" emoticon here.  (Is there such a thing?)

Granted, some home school families fit the stereotype.  Pants hiked up to their armpits.  Coke bottle glasses.  Skinny, pale, carrying books about astrophysics.  A mom who wears a denim jumper and a dad who wears a pocket protector.  The kind of folks who (unfortunately) get labeled as geeks or dorks.  They sew their own clothes, have chickens running free in their yard, and spend more time at the library than anywhere else.  You can spot them a mile away.

Is that necessarily a bad thing?  Even if it were accurate (which it isn't), should we care that some people think home schooling is equivalent to social suicide?  Does it matter that some people think our kids are going to be just plain weird?  And, how do we react when people say such things to us or about us?

When I tell other home schoolers this story, their jaws drop to the floor as they gasp in disbelief, and, even if they don't actually speak the words, you can hear them running through their heads... "Oh no she di-int!!!"  

It's an understandable reaction.  We don't want people telling us our kids are weird.  We don't want people implying that what we're doing is somehow wrong or inferior.  While we know how untrue those things are, hearing someone else say it stings.

But before you get twisted up about such comments, ask yourself, what is it that non-home schooling families find weird about home school families?  More often than not, they think home schooled kids will turn into dorks or geeks or nerds or whatever other euphemism you can think of.  They think our kids will no longer be able to interact in a "normal" way socially - what they refer to as "unsocialized".

Now, remember the facts.

Home schooling works.  In the most recent nationwide study, Progress Report 2009: Homeschool Academic Achievement and Demographics, as in all previous studies of the kind, home schooled students show significant academic achievement beyond that of their public schooled counterparts.  You can view a summary article about the study, or visit the website of the researcher to learn more.

As far as socialization is concerned, non-home schooling families who think our kids will be weird and unsocialized generally believe that a child's socialization must take the form of a public school classroom.  However, as written by Isabel Shaw on the website Family Education, "What kind of socialization occurs when 20 or 30 kids of the same age are placed in a classroom together day after day? Peer pressure is enormous. Kids feel like they need to look and sound and be like everyone else, at the risk of forgetting or never discovering who they really are. This results in rivalry, ridicule, and competition - hardly the environment for healthy socialization."

If being "weird" means that my kids will, in all likelihood, be well-educated, independent-thinking kids who don't base their social interactions on peer pressure, then, well... count us in for the long haul!!!

Have you ever faced comments like these from non-home schoolers?  How did you respond?

Super Bowl XLVII: Life Lessons

Did you watch Super Bowl XLVII? Silly question for most, I know. I watched it. In the comfort of my own living room, with my husband and two sons. We’re not a football loving kind of family, but we like to put on the big game every once in a while, so we can know what everyone around us is raving about, and because we like to see all the new creative commercials and the half-time spectacle.

In the past, my boys never showed interest, but this year curiosity got the better of them, and they asked to watch the game. Of course, that meant an endless slew of questions. “What’s a kick-off?” “What’s a down?” “What’s a quarter?” “Do they have to get a certain amount of points to win?” Growing up, I learned enough about the game to be able to answer their questions, because my father never missed a game all season long, and I had no choice but to watch.

However, their curious little minds quickly switched gears, and instead of asking, “How do they get those ‘4th and 10’ signs to pop up on the field all the time”, they began to ask different questions. Questions that no 8- or 10-year-old should have to ask. Questions like, “Why are they kissing like that?” “How come she’s half naked?” “Why is that guy trying to take that girl’s shirt off?” “What kind of dancing is that?” “Mom! That guy only has on his underwear!”

After the game ended, and even the day after the event, comments and opinions run rampant. Most people thought the game was entertaining. San Francisco could have won it in the last 2 minutes, if only they’d pushed past the Ravens defensive line into the end zone. It was so close! The opinions of the half-time show were pretty split between loving it and hating it. Some thought Beyonce’ blew it up. Some thought she bombed. Many people felt the commercials were subpar this year. Not quite as funny or creative as previous years. Except maybe for the Doritos goat. And the car commercial where the robot woman beat up the guy who kicked the car’s tires.

What I can’t believe, though, is the lack of comments regarding the over-sexualized content of some of the commercials, and the half-time showing of Beyonce’ wearing one quarter of an outfit that nearly showed her hoochiechoochie and a neckline that plummeted down to her belly button, coupled with her blatantly sexual pelvic gyrations and hand gestures.

What Cro-Magnon man thinks the only people who watch the Super Bowl are single men with nothing better to think about than football, beer, and sex? Families watch the Super Bowl. Families with young, impressionable children…. boys, especially. MY boys watched the Super Bowl. My boys, who never knew anything about the game of football, and have never watched a game before. Do you know what my boys learned about football while watching the Super Bowl? They learned how to make out. They learned that it’s normal to wake up in bed with some girl who’s wearing your shirt (“but why is she wearing his shirt, mom? And why is he trying to take it off of her?”) They learned that it’s okay to look at pictures and videos of people who are in their underwear but are not your husband or wife. And, last but not least, they learned how to dance, complete with a succession of pelvic thrusts, a hand to the crotch, and a throaty moan.

What baffles me is not many people are talking about that. There are plenty of “What a great game!”s and “Beyonce’ rocked it!”s and “I can’t believe the lights went out”s. But no outcry against what our children, who so looked forward to watching the biggest football game of the year, were subjected to, without warning to and without consent from us parents. Even friends of mine, both past and present, who I know to be people of good moral character, and many of whom are Christians, proclaimed the awesomeness of the battle between the Niners and the Ravens, but seemed to pay no heed to the not-so-subtle introduction of hyper-sexualized “entertainment”. As if it was a non-issue. As if it was perfectly normal and acceptable. As if they no longer notice the lack of morality permeating mainstream media that we’re not only allowing but also inviting into our homes and into our minds.

My boys and I learned a lot during Super Bowl XLVII. None of us know much more about football now than we did before watching the game. But my boys’ innocent little 8- and 10-year-old minds learned how the world views physical relationships, and they learned how to bump and grind. And I learned that my family won’t be watching the Super Bowl again anytime soon.

Did you watch the Super Bowl?  What did you think of the half-time show and commercials this year?